Please read the short story of what i have so far. Give feed back pos. or neg. Ideas?

Pretty good. My friends and I are writing a novella, so I know what good writing sounds like (they are good).....however, if it is a short story, rock on. If it is longer, like 30 pages or so, you may be moving events along too fast. I don't know enough about what you are doing to give you a full critic review (hehe)......................but it sounds AWESOME!!!! keep up the good work, ok.